Moms' Malaise is essentially a three-in-one book review by Valerie Weaver-Zercher of books about motherhood in the 21st Century. She is reviewing Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety by Judith Warner, The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women Susan J. Douglas and Meredith W. Michaels, and The Myth of the Perfect Mother: Rethinking the Spirituality of Women, by Carla Barnhill. I was especially interested in her mention of Barnhill's perspective of seeing parenting as a part of spiritual formation. I also note books written by unabashed Evangelicals that receive praise in Christian Century. *grin* I had a friend tell me recently how much she appreciated the Warner book. I wonder what others think who have read these books?
Here are a few quotes from the article:
Like these authors I find comfort in imagining a utopia in which the projects of making a family and making a living fit together more smoothly. And like them I have found sarcasm and disdain to be shields against the many pressures of 21st-century motherhood. But while I value their sociopolitical analyses and share their anger at the complex forces that make sane mothering almost impossible these days, I find little in their books to give me strength and hope for the journey—the strength and hope that are exactly what mothers need to resist the powers the authors describe. Indeed, after reading about the plague of exhaustion facing mothers, I felt too exhausted to do much of anything.
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After exploring how to resist the unique pressures that evangelical mothers face—pressure to homeschool, to use corporal punishment, to view motherhood as their highest calling—Barnhill fleshes out the idea of motherhood as a spiritual practice similar to prayer and fasting. Drawing on the work of philosopher Alasdair MacIntyre, Barnhill encourages readers to view parenting as a spiritual practice through which God shapes us rather than as "a role filled with high expectations and the resultant disappointments." Citing examples of Christian mothers who were instrumental in the abolition of slavery and the passage of laws against child labor, she makes a strong case that virtues such as compassion and creativity that are "refined in the practice of motherhood can and should be used in other arenas to bring God's love, peace, mercy, and justice to the world." In other words, who I become as a mother can filter into other arenas of life, including activism on behalf of other mothers and their children.
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One could argue that the recent spate of books on the stresses of motherhood amounts to just so much whining by a bevy of privileged, highly educated women with a surfeit of professional options and material wealth. But let's hope that Barnhill's vision is not entirely in vain. The formative practice of motherhood, even in America's middle-class wasteland of competition and consumerism, might form women into more compassionate, caring—and yes, even angry—citizens who advocate on behalf of all women, especially those with fewer options. Through a holy blend of social criticism and spiritual fortitude, women with children might be able to resist the guilt and perfectionism that, if these authors are correct, are now the signatures of motherhood.
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