Some churches choose basic discussion groups to attract men

Fort Wayne News Sentinel: Some churches choose basic discussion groups to attract men. (HT Presbyweb)

WALNUT CREEK, Calif. – First they pray, then they plunge into a freewheeling discussion, often sharing some of the most difficult struggles of their lives.

The Presbyterian men, ranging from 29 to 70, have been meeting for five weeks but already, they have formed tight bonds.

"I really believe men meeting with men in total transparency, interacting in a small group, brings change," said Dave Clark. "Men need to talk with men. We understand each other. It's a safe place."

Lay minister Tree Murrell launched this group at Walnut Creek Presbyterian Church to draw more men into worship – a goal embraced by congregations nationwide.

Across the nation, research shows women overwhelmingly form the network of church life – in congregation, in class, in committee. Women are more likely to attend church and more likely to describe themselves as spiritual, a 2006 study by The Barna Group found. Seventy-five percent of women said faith is critical in their lives, compared to 60 percent of men, according to surveys by Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance.

You may remember an article I linked a few days ago Men-Only Church Times Sermons, Meets in Gym. Tree Murrel says he is not persuaded by David Murrow's "Why Guys Hate Church" philosophy, highlighted in that article.

"That is exactly what I'm trying to get beyond," he said. "We're told that we're not verbal. I'm not accepting that. The assumption of a lot of men's ministries is that all we really want to do is go talk about the game, and we don't."

A men's conference spurred Murrell and parishioner Stan Caldwell to launch the men's group. Timing was an issue: Only retired men could attend weekdays, and men with young families were busy on the weekends. The two opted for Thursday nights.

"Seems like guys don't have much opportunities to talk to other guys about spirituality," said Caldwell, 58, a computer professional and the father of two grown sons. "It's nice to be able to share thoughts, problems and concerns."

I have been attending a study with a group of men for almost five years now. The study has been meeting for ten years. We average eight in attendance though not infrequently we have more than ten. Two other men's studies have sprouted out of this group. We meet at First Watch restaurant at 6:30 on Friday mornings, half an hour before they open for business, a meet at a table in the back corner. The first half hour is just chatting about what is going on. Just before 7:00, we have prayer. Then our trusty server takes our order (who has memorized all our order preferences). Then we get on with our study. We finish at 8:00. Some occasionally have to bail early.

We alternate between studying a book of the Bible and reading a book together.  We occasionally organize other activities as well. We range from about 30-70 in age though most are late 30's to early 40s. Professionally we have people like a software entrepreneur, a Fed Reserve bank examiner, a lawyer, an ex-navy seal now entrepreneur, a hair cutter, an independent home remodeler, a commercial interior designer, and a law student, just to name a few. Two of our regulars don't attend our church.

We have two worship services at our church. A contemporary service and a traditional service with an education hour sandwiched between. The ratio of men to women is pretty close though I doubt it is quite parity. I attend the contemporary service, but honestly, I am not overly energized by either of the worship services, but I am also not there to be energized. I am there to worship God in community. My energy comes from my relationships with the community outside of worship.